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People on the Bus

Uncategorized Mar 03, 2020
 

Hey there. My name is Peter Pessetto. I am the author of the book active choices and I am also a father, a husband. I'm a business coach and I'm a speaker and I get to go around and talk to people about their active choices and help people understand they have a lot of amazing opportunities in their life when they make the active choices. A lot of people that I've met kind of walk around going, I want this, I want this, I want this. But they don't make active choices to move towards "it" and once they start doing that, they get the results they're looking for. Now let's have an important conversation today about the People On The Bus. See, this is this. This is a chapter that everyone keeps coming up and asking me about. Everyone keeps talking to me about, and I love having the people on the bus conversation because the truth is the people on the bus are either going to help get you to where you want to go or they aren't.

Period. You know, spiritual guru, Deepak Chopra said, "you cannot be successful unless you are in an environment that supports that success." The people on your bus are as much a part of your environment as the walls of the room that you're in right now. The ceiling, the floor, they are as much a part of the environment as the weather in whatever area that you live in. You have to understand this. The people on the bus are your physical environment and they are going to really directly influence what happens in your life. We know that everyone wants more out of three bubbles in life and that's health, wealth and relationships. Everyone wants more of these things. The people on your bus are either going to support those areas or they're not. They're either helping you get to the levels that you want to get to in health, wealth and relationships, or they're not.

So how are the people on your bus helping you today? I love having this conversation and I think more people miss their goals because of the people on their bus than anything else. As a business coach one of the first things I do with people is find out who are the people on their bus and the reason that a lot of people miss their goals is they don't have enough what we call Multipliers. Now we're going to have a conversation today about what multipliers are and how to find more of them. Let's go back to what your bus looks like today. Understand this. Everybody on your boss right now, you put there whether or not you realize it, everyone in your life right now, you allowed to be there. Maybe you made a choice. Maybe it wasn't an active choice, but by not making a choice, you allowed someone to be in your life that's not supporting your goals.

It's okay. I don't want you to get wrapped up in judgment of mistakes that you've made in the past or failures that you've had in the past. If you don't understand the concepts of failure and how failure gets you to where you want to be in success, please go watch my video on the importance of choosing to fail. This applies to everything and it's going to apply to the people on your bus. Now, the people on your bus right now, the seats are full, okay? Your boss is already full. See, we have a certain amount of people in our life that we have energy for and we kind of fill that up. We first look to fill it and then we sort of look to, Hey, can I make it better? Which is actually the opposite of how it works. When it comes to having the right people on the bus.

We're going to need to go back to the three laws that we discuss all the time here at active choices coaching, and that is the Law of the Vacuum, the Law of Vital Action, and then the Law of Action. Now what are these three laws have to do with the people on your bus? It's actually fairly simple. It starts with the Law of Action. Okay? We know the Law of Action states that we must engage in actions that support our thoughts, dreams, emotions, and words in order to see results are the people on your bus. People that take action. Are you taking action with the people on your bus? Are there people on your bus that have untapped potential? Are there opportunities for you to collaborate? Are there opportunities for you to have business? Are there opportunities for you to have a greater relationship with them?

If so, what are the action steps you have to get into action and stop procrastinating? The second law, the Law of the Vital Action, 20% activities. So I'm married and I love my wife and there are certain things that I know that my wife and I really enjoy doing together. We enjoy listening to music together. That is a vital action for us. Talking, just spending time talking. This is a vital action for us and one that supports our relationship. So it's one I'm going to prioritize on a consistent basis. It's a vital action. So what are some of the vital actions that you need to take with the people on your bus? And the third is the Law of the Vacuum. See, we know that the universe of abhors a vacuum and rushes to fill all space physical or metaphysical well, your bus is real and it's already full.

The question is: Is it full of the type of people that are going to get you to where you want to go? See your life is already full. So in order for you to have greater relationships that are supporting you in your health, in your wealth, and in your relationships, we've got to have the right people on the bus and if the seats are full, the first thing we got to do is start getting people off our bus. Now, I love this conversation. I have people that come to me all the time and they ask, "Peter, how do I get people off my bus?! I have these people on my bus that they're just dragging me down. How do I get them off by bus?!" It's actually fairly simple. It's not always fun. It's not always easy. It is simple though, and I want you to understand this.

Be tough on the standards of which you accept for the people in your life. Don't be tough on the people. Let me say that again. Don't be tough on the people on your bus. Be tough on the standards of what you accept for people in your life. Now, Choose You. Choose You is an extremely important concept in my life. It's something that a lot of people know me for. Okay? And it's something that I teach to a lot of people. So number one, I'm always going to make time to choose me so that I am the best version of myself for everyone else in my life. As I stated in one of my previous blogs, choosing you is the most selfless thing that you can do because at the end of the day, you're making yourself better for everyone else. So why would I want to have people on my bus that don't prioritize choosing themselves?

They don't understand the concept of choose you. They're not choosing themselves. And I know that they're headed towards a breakdown. I know that if they continue in this vein, they're going to have a breakdown. Something's going to give, and it's not going to be pretty when it does. And so the people on my bus, a standard for me, is that number one, people on my bus are choosing themselves. They're choosing to make themselves better on a consistent basis. Second part of that is: they have to understand that choosing me is important and I'm not going to tolerate someone in my life that's going to get angry at me for choosing me because choosing me is a standard, they support me choosing me. So that's tough on my standards. Now, if somebody on my bus doesn't believe in the concept of choose you and just doesn't think that it's real, I'm not going to force them to believe it. I'm just going to say, look, I'm not going to put energy into this relationship.

What happens is when you raise the standards of what you what you expect and what you can don't and what you allow in your life for the people on your bus, people will get off. You will have people that say, "You know what? This just isn't for me." And that's okay. That's their life to live, not yours. Health is very important to me. I have a lot of people in my life right now who prioritize their health. Why is that? Did I suddenly just wake up one day and realize I was surrounded by all these great people? No. It started with me and it started with me setting a standard in my life of people that I accept to be around me. If someone is not prioritizing their health, I know, again, they're going to have a crash. Something's going to happen. They're not going to be the best version of themselves.

See, I don't want to be around people that are perfect. I want to be around people that are striving for perfection, that are working towards it at all times. I, I don't need perfect people in my life. No one in my life is perfect. I certainly am not. What I want are people that are constantly on that journey of making themselves better, to better their world, to better their environment, to make the people on their bus better. That's something that I expect that is a standard for me of the people on my bus. Now, that doesn't mean that everyone is going to do that. That's okay. Again, that's their journey, not mine. When I set this standard: Two things happen, number one, people that don't believe it, they get off. Number two, when they get off, they create a vacuum. See if I want great people on my bus, there has to be seats on the bus for them to fill.

If my life is already full, I can't have more great people in my life. So the first thing I did was I created a vacuum. When I met my wife, I was single, okay? I was single and I was not attached. I didn't have a, it wasn't holding a candle for anyone. Okay? That seat was empty in my life and that seat was empty in her life. If when she had come into my life, either of our seats had been full, we would not have been able to fill them for each other. Okay? I can't be in a great romantic relationship and a bad romantic relationship at the same time cause there's one seat, there's only one seat on the bus for that spot. And you can only have one person there, and so if you are not in a great romantic relationship with your partner or spouse, or maybe you are single, okay, then when you've got to raise the standard, right?

If you want to be in a great relationship with a romantic partner and you're not, then that seat has to be empty in order for you to find them. See, I, I point out the romantic part because a lot of us have been through that, if not going through it right now. And it's the same thing with all the other seats in my life. For business, health, wealth and relationships. Okay. For health, I want someone that makes me better. I want to be around people that make me a better version of me, not because they're calling me every five seconds holding me accountable because they're doing that in their life. They've already built the habits. I choose to be around people that have great habits. So what happened is I stopped putting energy into people that weren't on that growth track for their health.

It's okay. That's their choice, but I'm not going to put energy into that relationship. What happened is when you don't put energy into a relationship, the relationship wanes and people get off the bus. So I set the standard. Now if somebody that's currently on the bus, we'd like to meet that standard. Wonderful. And I tell people my life, Hey, this is this standard for being in my life. Now, if you choose to hit it, great, wonderful, you're already on the bus. I'd love for you to stay. And if it's not important to you, then it's not important to you. And that's okay too. And this isn't the place for you to stay because I'm not putting energy into that relationship. See I want you to think about the word energy in a bigger context. Energy to me represents both time and space and energy. Okay?

Relationships take energy and yet the right relationships give energy. So when I spend a half an hour or an hour with someone that is a really important person on my bus, I've spent an hour of time, an hour of energy, and I've had to make space in my life to be able to speak to them for an hour. And yet at the end of that hour, I feel like a better version of myself than I was when I started the hour because of the company that I'm around. The people on the bus are so important.

I'd like to talk to you right now about the four categories that everyone in your life fits into. See. Everyone in my life when I started this journey fit into four categories. They either added to my life, they subtracted from my life, they divided my life, or they multiplied my life. What does that mean? So a divider. And I'd like you to think about this in terms of a box, right?

And you've got the plus minus the multiplication and the division. And if you were to go through the people in your phone right now, here's what I would teach you to do and this is something that I teach my coaching clients to do. Is to go through everyone in their phone right now and ask yourself this very simple question: does this person multiply me? In other words, when I put energy into this person? Do they take that energy and go run with it? Did they make my life bigger and do I make their life bigger? Do I help them grow and do they help me grow? Do they affect other bubbles? So maybe it's somebody in my health bubble also affects my wealth bubble also affects my relationships level.

Does this person multiply me and there's only two answers that you can answer at this point, yes or no? Hell yes or no. There's no maybes. There's no in-betweens. I'm an optimist. I'm always going to be a glass half full guy. That's who I am and I get that. Being an optimist has strengths and being an optimist has weaknesses. In fact, every skill that you has, how has the strength and has a weakness and it's okay. My strength is that I'm an optimist. I see opportunity in people. My weakness is I see opportunity in everyone, so when I first started getting to understand these concepts and living with them and I looked at the people in my life, I went through my phone and I would look at a name and I'd go, well, they don't multiply me right now, but they've been busy and you know, I know they've got a lot going on and I just know that they would get this, this and this done and we were able to connect some more. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hell yes or no. There's no in between. Either Hell Yes, this person multiplies me or no. 98% of people are going to live somewhere in the plus and the minus section of your exercise, they're going to either add to you or subtract to you. That's where most people in your life are going to live. The people that divide you are people that just, you look at the name on your phone or you see them and you're like, "Oh, not this person". You're drained of energy. Just being around them. Okay. Those are kind of easy to see and if they're easy to sort of keep at arm's length, the pluses and the minuses, they're going back and forth all the time. What ends up happening is we spend the majority of our time with people that plus us or minus us and some of the time with people that divide us and our multipliers unfortunately get what's left over at the end of the day.

The most important relationships in your life, my guess, is they're just getting whatever energy you have left at the end of the day because you didn't prioritize them. They didn't come first. I prioritize my relationships this way. I put all my energy into my multipliers. Why? Because they multiply me! They've already proven by showing up in my life and being a doer, which is another standard of my bus, that they're going to make my life better. So I'm not looking for more multipliers. More multipliers will come to me because I'm only putting energy into my multipliers. I'm going to start there and if I have energy leftover at the end of the day, then I will start putting it in the pluses. The minuses don't get my time, and the people that divide me don't get my time. They don't get my energy and they don't have space in my life. I just don't allow it.

Start with your multipliers. Now I talked a little bit about somebody that multiplies me in my health bubble. Yeah, so wonderful person. He's made me so much better. His name is Steve Trezek. It can. He is my coach when it comes to fitness and nutrition. He has definitely made my health bubble so much better, but here's the amazing thing about Steve. Being around him, he and I have kids that are about the same age. He's made my relationship with my son better. He's made me a better father. He's given me a little tips and tricks and things that he's done or things that he and his kids do, and it's wonderful. So that's why he multiplies, because he doesn't just help me increase my health bubble. He's also affecting my relationship bubble having my son on my bus is a non-negotiable. Having my wife on my bus is a non-negotiable.

I choose to keep those seats full with those two people, and that's it. I'm not going to allow other people to take those seats. So Steve has made me better, which has helped me make the other people in my life better, which has helped me have better relationships. So he's a multiplier for me because he shows up in multiple bubbles. Who is someone right now that's showing up in one bubble that's helping you be better in other bubbles? Now let's talk about that role of a fitness coach. Somebody that can help me in my health bubble, that is what I would call a certain seat on my bus. Okay? I don't have five personal trainers. I don't have three personal trainers. I have one and he's a multiplier. Now, let's say you have a personal trainer right now and and yours is not a multiplier the way Steve is for me.

Okay? And you think, man, I like the way he's talking about that guy. I wish I had someone in my life that multiplied me in my health and made me better in other areas. Well guess what? You can raise the standard of that seat of the people on your bus. You can raise the standard of, Hey, I'm not going to go to a personal trainer. That's not going to make me better in all those areas. You don't go to the personal trainer that's there and say, Hey, if you want to stay in my life, you've got to help me in these other areas. That doesn't work that way. You can let them know, this is what I'm seeking for. And if you choose to show up, great, you're already on the bus! And if not, this is not for you, that's fine too. And they'll get off the bus. See, you only have one seat that has the title personal trainer on it.

It can't be filled with two people. It can't be filled with four or five people. It can be filled with one person. One great multiplier will make you so much better. So that seat has to be empty and the standards high. See people that are multipliers, they like standards. They don't want to be everyone else. They don't want to be one of a thousand they want to be one of 10. The great people in my life are great people and they're not going to want to be in my life if I just accept whomever in my life. So the great way to find people that can multiply you is to have high standards because that's what multipliers are looking for. Multipliers are looking for people that have high standards in their life and that want to grow.

At the end of the day, it's your bus and your bus is going to be a reflection of the standards that you set for yourself in your life, in your active choices. In the book I talk about choosing to learn, choosing to learn is so important. That's a standard for me. If you want to be on my bu, you're going to be somebody that learns, not because I make you, because that's who you are. I'm not going to allow someone on my bus that doesn't want to learn.

One of the chapters. Inactive choices is the big why. I have a really big why I'm really passionate about, so that's a standard on my, in my life that other people around me also have a big why. They don't have to have my big why. They don't have to want to accomplish what I want to accomplish. They just have to have their own goals in life because I know when someone has a big why, they're always constantly striving to complete that and achieve something great, and that's the type of person I choose to be around. Social media has sort of accidentally programmed us into: Hey, it's better to have a thousand friends than a hundred friends. It's better to have a thousand followers than 10 followers. I get it. I understand that and I understand the power of that and yet the truth is I don't want a thousand people on my bus.

If I could give a monetary value to people from a penny up to a dollar. Dollar is as high as you go to penny is as low as you go. I don't want to have a bus full of pennies because my bus has a finite amount of seats. Did you know that the largest bus in the world, the largest commuter bus in the world holds 300 people. Does that sound like a lot did? To me, the reason I bring that up is even the largest bus in the world has a finite capacity. You have to understand this. Your bus in your life has a finite amount of capacity. You only have a certain amount of time and energy on any given day to interact with the people on your bus.

So if your seats are filled with pennies, where are you going? What are you doing? Okay, now a dollar. I would rather have 10 of my seats filled with a $1 then to have a hundred seats filled with a penny. I just would. I want great people in my life. I want people that are multipliers. And so now a standard has been set for my bus. You must be a doer. You must understand the concepts of my book because this is how I choose to live. You must understand the concepts of active choices. You've got to have standards for the people on your bus. You've got to have a big why and you've got to be a doer. What is a doer? A person that doesn't talk, they just do. See, I've found in all my years of coaching, and I've coached thousands of people at this point, that everyone falls into two categories.

Doers and talkers. And you know what? Talkers and doers sound a lot alike upfront. The difference is the doers go, do the doers go do what they say they're going to do. The talkers talk about why they didn't do it. They talk about what they're going to do and then they talk about why they didn't do it. Doers just go do so I choose to surround myself with doers because I choose to be a doer. So these are the standards that I have set for my bus. What hass that done? That has helped me surround myself with people that are doers, people that are constantly striving to be the best version of themselves. People that want to get more out of life. People that have great relationships themselves, people that are out there doing, people that have an understanding of the importance of family cause that's an important concept for me.

This is who I am surrounded by now, not because I went out and looked for those people. It's because I set my standards of what I would accept for someone in my life and there are times when my seats are empty and I would much rather have that seat and eventually find the $1 bill then to fill it with someone that can just fog a mirror with their breath. I choose to be around doers. You probably have people in your life right now that aren't supporting you. I understand that. I've been through that myself and it's not fun. And it can be lonely sometimes cleaning out your bus, but it's your bus. At the end of the day, you are the only person that's going to be on your bus from the beginning of the trip to the end of the trip. It's your bus. It's your life. Set standards.

I promise you that when you begin to set standards in life of what you accept what you expect for people around you, you're going to get the people that you want. I love the conversation around standards because standards is kind of like a radio station. It eally is. I want you to understand that your standards are like a radio broadcast and let's just say it's classic rock music. That's what it sounds like. Okay? When I'm traveling, if I turn on the radio in the rental car and I'm looking for classic rock music, I go to an area that I don't know and I'm fiddling around with the dial and I will eventually find the classic rock music. I don't know the station. I don't know where it is. I just know it's out there. See the great people that you're going to end up surrounding yourself with.

Right now, they're walking around listening. They're looking for your radio station. They're looking for what you're broadcasting, they're looking for you. What you must do is you must be consistent with your standards, consistency with your standards. Just like having a radio broadcast, it's strong and no static and comes in every time. If I go to a new area and I'm in a rental car and I find a classic rock station and it's static, or it's coming in and out, and I can't really hear the station, I'm eventually going to leave that radio station. The same with the people in your life. See if the people in your life, the great people come along and you're not consistent with your standards, they don't know if your radio station is going to continue and so they switch and they'd go find a radio station that will. Be consistent with your standards and be unflinching with your standards.

Be tough on your standards, not on your people. Be tough on the standards in your boss. And what will happen is you'll notice that people will stop spending time on your bus and little by little the pennies will start to get off. And as the pennies get off and these vacuums open up and you're consistent with your standards, I promise you it is energy. It is how the world works. The great people that you're looking for, you might not even know their names, they'll find you. And they would love to be on the bus of someone with high standards. They would love to be on your bus because you have high standards because of what you're looking to achieve. And if someone doesn't want to be on your bus because of what you want to achieve, that's their journey, not yours.

And it's okay. It doesn't matter how close they are, they don't have to be on your bus. You don't have to put energy into them.

Loyalty. Loyalty is important. And yet at the end of the day, the person that you owe the most loyalty in this world is yourself, not me, not your spouse, not anybody else in your life. You owe yourself more than anyone else loyalty. People I see are more loyal to others and they compromise their standards. If I'm loyal to someone else that doesn't believe in choose you and they just keep talking to me about, well, choose you really not important to choose you and I'm not going to choose me and I don't know why you talk about all that stuff. If I'm loyal to that person, I'm compromising my standard of what I know is right and what I know is important to me. You owe loyalty to yourself first and your loyalty will show up and how consistent you are with your standards.

So how loyal have you been with your standards? And how has that affected the people on the bus? Are the people on the bus right now, are they or do you love just spending time with everyone in your life? I do. Because I choose not to put energy into people I don't love spending time with. It's a standard for me. You're not going to have a bus full of people that you love spending time around if you don't have high standards for yourself. The coolest part about the people on the bus is as people start growing multipliers introduce me to multipliers. I have four multipliers in my life right now that I can think of. I didn't even know their names a year ago. I didn't know who they were, but I got tough on my standards and I've been consistent and those people showed up and these are some of the greatest people that I've met in my life. They're amazing, amazing individuals, but they're in my life because I have standards and they're in my life because I'm loyal to my standards and to myself. They're in my life because I know the importance of choose you. Not what I can do for them.

Your multipliers are going to be the most important people in your life. Are you being loyal to your multipliers or are you just giving them whatever's left at the end of the day?I want you to start looking at your bus today. Immediately go through the people in your life and ask yourself, does this person multiply me in health? Hell yes or no wealth. Hell yes or no relationships? Hell yes or no, and if you get three nos, why are they on your bus? Why would you put energy into that relationship? I want you to get on purpose with this today. I really want you to take the time, okay? You're going to fail. Just like I talked about the Choose to Fail video. You're going to fail at doing this perfectly the first time, and yet it's worth failing at because the success that you will have when you are surrounded with multipliers is unbelievable. Put your energy into the actions that you control and that's having real conversations with people on your bus and being consistent with your standards. Put your energy there. You'll find the right people.

Here's what I want you to do. I want you to take this video right now and I want you to share it with three multipliers right now. I want you to take the time and share it with three multipliers. They don't have to watch the whole thing. Just tell them to watch this part or part that stood out to you and tell them how important they are to you. And make a commitment to yourself that you're going to put more energy into your relationships that multiply you! Start there. Everybody else gets what's left over. How are your multipliers lives going to be better the end of the week than they were at the beginning of this week because they're in relationship with you?

My name is Peter Pessetto. I'm the author of the book Active Choices and I am a multiplier for my multipliers. I am tough on the standards of what I accept for the people on my bus and I loyal to myself through my standards.

I want you to have the greatest life and I know that when you're surrounded by multipliers, your life is going to be so much more rewarding. I want to see your bus filled with multipliers. So take action today. Law of Action. Find that vital action. What is the vital action that you can do with people that are on your multipliers right now, and Law, the Vacuum. Who's not meeting your standards that you need to stop putting energy into? So that you can put energy into the right people and have the people on the bus that you deserve. Have an amazing day. I want you to go out and make Active Choices. Make the active choice to get the right people on your bus. Your life is going to be so much more incredibly rewarding.

 

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