Choosing YOU is the most selfless thing you can do

Uncategorized Feb 16, 2020

Hi there. My name is Peter Pessetto and I am the author of the book active choices. And I wanted to talk to you a little bit today about what active choices actually are. A lot of people come up and they go, well I think I get it, but explain to me what active choices are. So we're going to go through a couple things that I teach all of my clients now, I have been at business coach for years, I've worked predominantly in the real estate industry and I work a lot with people in small businesses and relationship oriented businesses. And what I do at the end of the day is I help them make a lot more money and a lot less time. See, there's three laws that we're gonna talk about today, and those laws affect everything that we do. And there are three very simple laws of the universe.

We're going to go through those in just a minute, but I wanted to start by talking to you about active choices and I want to give it a little bit of perspective. Now, one of the things that we know is that there are four stages to a habit. Now those four stages are unconscious incompetence. In other words, I don't know what I don't know. And then we have conscious incompetence. Um, now I know what I don't know. I don't know how to do it. I don't know anything about it. But now I know I have an idea of what I don't know. Step three is conscious competence. Now I know what I know and I'm doing it. It takes a lot of effort and I'm probably failing at doing it perfectly. And then step four is unconscious competence. In other words, I know what I know.

I don't need to think about it and it has become a habit. I do this with very little effort. So let me give you an example. Unconscious incompetence. I'm chewing my fingernails and then all of a sudden somebody comes along and says, Hey, chewing your fingernails is really bad for you. You should never do that. And I go, Holy cow, I didn't know what happened. There is, I was made aware of something so to go from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence. I'm made aware. Awareness comes to me. Okay, step two, step three to go from conscious incompetence to conscious competence. Now I'm chewing my fingernails and I've been told that it's bad to chew my fingernails and I want to stop chewing my fingernails because I've been told that it's bad. So at some point I have to stop chewing my fingernails. So I'm bringing my fingernails to my mouth and I go up, no, I don't want to do that.

And I sit on my hands or maybe I put marker on my hands or something so that I won't chew it.  So I'm actually bringing energy to the choice not to chew my fingernails. That right there is what we call an active choice. At some point you have to bring energy to your choices or you will never move from one habit into another. And then now I'm not chewing my fingernails. It takes a lot of effort, but I'm not chewing my fingernails. And then between step three, which is conscious competence and step four which is unconscious competence, is what we call time on task over time. And this is just a matter of doing it day in and day out and sometimes it gets a little easier. And then one day  I really want to chew my fingernails and then eventually that goes away and all of a sudden, a couple months later, I am just not chewing my fingernails.

This is the process that we go through to move from unconscious incompetence. We don't know what we don't know, to unconscious competence. We know what we know we don't have to think about it and it just becomes a habit. Everything in your life is going to go through this process. Everything that you know, I watch my son, I have a young son, he is in first grade and he's doing math. He's gone from unconscious incompetence and now he's in the conscious competence stage. He knows what he knows and he still fails at it sometimes. See we all know as adults two plus two equals four and yet as a first grader, he's learning simple math and so it isn't quite a habit yet. Anything that you choose to do in your life, you're going to go through these stages and understanding that at some point if you want to change the habit, you've got to bring energy to your choices.

You've got to make an active choice to do something. Now let's talk about those three laws that we were talking about. The three laws are real simple. Now these are three laws of the universe. To give you an understanding of how universal they are. There are only 12 laws of the entire universe. We're about to go through 25% of them or three of them today. Now, one of the laws of the universe, so I'm going to give you this example, is the law of gravity. Just to give you an understanding, okay? That's how universal it is. The thing about the law of gravity everyone seems to understand it because when we break the law of gravity, we pay the price immediately. If I jump off the side of my house or you jump off the roof of my house and I think to myself, well this law of gravity thing, I mean really does it gonna affect me?

Yeah. At about three seconds after jumping off the roof of my house, I'm going to pay the penalty for not believing in the law. The challenge with the laws that you're about to see is that these laws don't always correlate to their repercussions. In other words, I can break one of these laws today and I don't understand that the result that I didn't get tomorrow is because I broke that law today. When you understand the laws and understand what the repercussions are, these are going to be very real in your life. And yet we think we can break these laws and still manage to get results. The truth is we can't. So the first law is the law of action and the law of action States that you must engage in actions that support your thoughts, dreams, emotions and words in order to see results. Now I have a five year old niece and when I, you know, if I said something like that to her, she'd go, well, duh, you have to do something in order to see results.

And yet people break this law every single day and they break it. There's a word that you might be familiar with that, um, that might've shown up at some point in your life. It's called procrastination. See, when we are procrastinating on anything, on any decision, on any activity, on any work, we are literally breaking the law of action because we are not engaging in actions that support our thoughts, dreams, emotions, and words. We have to bring energy to our choices. You have to make active choices. And so my attitude is, if you're going to take action, why not take the best action you possibly can? And that's where we get the next law, the law of the vital few. This is also known as the Pareto principle or the 80/20 rule, if you've ever heard of it. Now, Joseph Pareto was an economist in Italy and he had a little garden.

Now he lived in the late 18 hundreds and early 19 hundreds and he had a little garden behind his house and he noticed one day that 20% of the pea pods in his garden, we're creating roughly 80% of the crop that he was receiving from his peas. And he thought, well that's kind of interesting. So being an economist, he decided to do a study and he did a study of a small town that he lived in and he saw that roughly 20% of the people owned 80% of the wealth in the town. Now as he continued to expand this study and expand the study, he realized that the 80 20 principle was a universal principle and it was in everything that he did.

It was in everything that we experience. The 80 20 rule shows up everywhere in our life. We spend 80% of our time in 20% of our house, we spend 20% we were 20% of our clothes. 80% of the time. We spend about 80% of our time around the 20% of people that matter the most to us. See The law of the vital few is everywhere and if you're going to take action, why not take the most targeted action? One of the first things I do as a coach when I meet with people is I go through all of their activities and we find what we look for. We call multiplication. In other words, we find that 20% activity that they can maintain. See, if you're just doing the 80% stuff, you're not going to have as effective results if you're staying doing time near 20% now I have people that come to me and they go, well, Peter, I'm spending 20% of my time in my 20% and I tell them, that's not good enough.

You should spend a disproportionate amount of time in your 20% you should be spending a minimum of 50% of your time in your 20% activities. Now, I'm not just talking about work here. I'm talking about your relationships. I'm talking about your health. What if you knew exactly what your 20% activities were that most fulfilled you and your partner in your relationship? Wouldn't you want to do those? Think about a vacation. If you've ever been on a week vacation, you've planned it out ahead of time. You've looked at websites, you've looked up links, you're looking at pictures, you're looking at the weather, you're all excited to go while you're on vacation, you're taking tons and tons of pictures. You get back. People are asking, how was your vacation? You're sharing pictures. You're sharing stories. See, that one week of vacation only represents 4% of the amount of time total in a year.

In fact, it's just a little bit less than 4% of time, and yet when you think about that one week of vacation in a calendar year, what percent of memories came from that 4% of time? See, it's the 20% activities. What if you knew absolutely 100% what a 20% activity was for you and your spouse? Wouldn't you want to make sure that that activity is occurring on a regular basis so you and your spouse or your partner could have the best relationship ever? What if you knew for your wealth? What if you knew what your 20% activities were for your wealth building? What if you knew what your 20% activities were when you went to the gym or when you were prepping your food, for your meals? What if you knew those? See, it's not about an activity that takes a certain amount of time.

We've got to let go of our ideas around time and start thinking more about energy. It's not about the amount of time you put into something. It's about really the amount of energy that you put into it. And when you're doing a 20% activity, you're getting a multiple result and one 20% energy will actually create 40 50 60% results. So you've got to make sure that you are looking up your 20% activities in the three main areas of life. Now, here's the next law of the universe, and this is going to be for some of you, maybe a new thing. If you haven't seen this before and yet I'm telling you this is the most powerful law of the universe that you could engage in your life today. It's called the law of the vacuum. The universe abhors a vacuum in all forms, physical or metaphysical and rushes to fill all spaces.

What the hell does that mean? It means that your life today is already full. You already have your life filled with the amount of people that you have a capacity to put energy into. You already have a calendar that's full with activities. The question is, are you fulfilled with the activities that you're filling your life with? See. We have to recognize that the universe has already filled a space. Let me give you a different example of the law, the vacuum. Now imagine if you are a woman and you have a purse and you are going to go out tonight and you have a little wristlet or clutch as they might call it, and you've got this small clutch and you don't have any pockets on and so you want to put all the things that you want to take in that little clutch and you're just about to walk out the door and you see yourself, phone's sitting there and you think, damn, I forgot my cell phone and yet my clutch is already full, but I want to put my cell phone in my clutch.

What do I do? The thing is you first have to take something out of the clutch in order to put the cell phone in. Obvious, right? Yet what did you do there? You actually created a vacuum of space. It's just like when you go on vacation, you don't take the biggest suitcase you can and fill it half full. You take the smallest suitcase you possibly can and are filling it to the point where you're jumping on it in order to get it zipped closed. Okay. Our, the universe is always rushing to fill all spaces, physical or metaphysical. That includes your thought process. See, thoughts are energy. They take up space while they're infitesimal and it's hard to measure. They're real. They take up space. We have about the same amount of thoughts per second. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, our brain operates at the same level, so in order for me to have a new result, it's not about adding something into my thought process. It's about first stop thinking along a certain lines that I already am. As soon as I stop thinking along a certain thought loop, or my mind goes through the same process, as soon as I stopped that, there's a void in my brain pattern, which allows me the space to consider something new. I've created a vacuum and the universe rushes to fill all space, so this new space will contain that new thought. You cannot hold simultaneously an old thought and a new thought at the exact same time.

Frustration. Frustration is something that we've all encountered at some point in our life. Okay? We get frustrated where you didn't get a result. We have frustrated with people, we get frustrated with circumstances, we're frustrated and that frustrated thought takes up space in our brain, takes up energy in our brain and our brain was full with frustration

and if you've ever experienced gratitude and just this overwhelming thankfulness, it's a completely different energy. You cannot hold simultaneously frustration that fills your brain and gratitude that fills your brain at the exact same time. There isn't enough space, so if you've ever been to a class or a seminar or a workshop or some event and you heard someone speak and you went, man, Oh my God, this is great stuff. I can't wait to implement this in my business or in my life. And you went back and you tried to implement that new information and weren't able to do it. It's because you did not make space in your life for the new information. You attempted to add the new information on top of your old information and it didn't work. The number one thing I ask my clients every single week is what are you going to stop doing this week? That's going to make you more successful next week. What are you going to give up doing? Because by stopping putting energy into an activity that's not serving you, we create a vacuum and we allow new information, new energy, new time to implement new things.

The law of attraction is a very common law that a lot of people talk about and a lot of people understand the concept of attracting something into their life and they put this energy out and they want to attract things into their life. What they don't understand is that their lives are already full and they will never be able to attract that into their life that they want if they do not make the space, the void, the vacuum so that they have the energy to attract in what they want. If you are in a bad relationship and you think, man, I would just love to be in this great relationship with a loving partner and somebody that supports me, somebody that listens, that that we just have a great dynamic together. Well, you can't stay in that bad relationship and have the new relationship at the exact same time. It does not work. You do not have enough energy. You must first let go of the bad relationship to create the space, the void, the vacuum for the new relationship to come into your life. The law of the vacuum is this secret. It is the key to unlocking the law of attraction. You cannot attract into your life that which you do not have space and the energy for. Look at it on the other side. You can attract whatever it is you choose to have in your life. If you create the right amount of space and energy for it, you can have whatever it is you want. See, I know that there's three things that everyone wants out of life,

In all the vision boards and all the goals I ever worked with and I've worked with thousands of coaching clients. It all boils down to just three things. Everyone wants more of these three things and they are health wealth and relationships. Everything fits into that relationship with self fits in relationships, relationship with a higher power or God or however you choose to see that entity. Energy, relationships, health. You know, I've had so many clients that spent their health to build their wealth. I've seen so many businesses built on caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, and fast food and it is a universal thing that when they continue to build that way, their health bubble is shrinking and I know that a lot of people that had a lot of money that had no health, see, it isn't just about making more money. If you're making great money and your health is in bad shape, you're probably feeling out of balance or miserable. It's the same thing with the relationship bubble. If you are working all the time and you're making great money and you're taking the time to work out and yet you're not spending time with those people that mean the most to you. What is it all for?

So at active choices coaching, we coach to three bubbles, health, wealth and relationships. Because we know that the three laws that we just talked about and the active choices that we talked about and the habits, how to form a habit, these are universal things, health, wealth and relationships. All three of those laws apply. If I want to have better health, I must take action. If I want to see great results, I will take vital actions. And if I want to really implement things in my health bubble, I've got to stop doing something that I'm currently doing.

Wealth. I've got to take action. I've got to take the most vital action and I've got to stop doing something that I'm currently doing in order to build the wealth that I'm capable of building. Relationships. A lot of people, and I call this the people on the Bus, there's a chapter in active choices called choose people on the bus. And after the very first chapter, which is choose you, which we're going to talk about in just a minute, the choosing the people on the bus is the one that everyone, that's the second most one that I get. People that are coming to me and talking to me about, see the people on the bus are your environment. They're part of your physical environment just as much as the ceiling in the room that you're in right now. The floor, the walls, they are a part of your physical environment.

And people always ask me at this point, um, I think that there's people on my bus that need to get off. How do I get them off? It's simple. You take action, you take vital action, and if you want to have great people on your bus, then you've got to have room on your bus for great people to get on. Okay? Imagine it's like pennies and dollars, okay? And imagine these seats on your bus and each seat is filled with a penny and a couple of the seats are filled with dollar bills. Okay? Those dollar bills are your multipliers. Those are people that when you put energy into them, they multiply you, you feel energized putting energy into them, and they take the energy that you give them and they go do a lot with it and they multiply you.

We're putting energy into pennies when we should be putting it into dollars. So if I want more dollars on the bus and all the seats are full with pennies, what do I gotta do? I gotta get some of the pennies off the bus to make room for the dollar bills to come in and sit down on. Now, I'm using the difference between the penny and the dollar bill because those are multipliers of each other. Imagine what your bus would look like if everyone on your bus were a multiplier. Now, people go back and they go, well, how do I get people off my bus? It's real easy. You're tough on your standards of what you are willing to accept on your bus, not on your people. In other words, if I want to be in good health and I want to be surrounded by people that are in good health, then a standard for me is that if you are in my life, you are somebody that's putting energy into your health. I'm not going to go to the people that are currently on my boss and say, Hey, all y'all need to get into shape right now.

You guys, every single one, you need to get to the gym, get to the gym, get to the gym. That's not my place. That's their decision. That's their life. They get to choose what they want to do. I can say, yes, you can stay. Then I'm condoning the activity of hanging around people that aren't physically active or I can say, that's great. I'm just not going to put any more energy into you. If you choose not to make health a priority, it's okay. That's your choice to make and there's no judgment around it, and I'm not mad at you, but if you want to be on my bus, this is what my standard is, and what happens is you raise your standards and give those people an opportunity to become a better version of themselves. And if they do, then continue to put energy into them.

And if they choose not to, that's okay too. See, we raised the standards. Some of the pennies will get off making room for more dollar bills. When your bus is filled with multipliers, your life is going to be phenomenal. See, my multipliers are my 20% activity and what did I do? I created a vacuum in order for more multipliers to come into my life. See, a lot of times we give our multipliers, we give the people that are the most important to us, the least amount of energy. Why is that? They get whatever energy is left over at the end of the day. Well, if my wife is an incredibly important person in my life, why wouldn't I choose to put energy into her first as opposed to whatever's left at the end of the day, that's what I'm going to give her. My son is an incredibly important relationship to me. Why am I not putting the most amount of energy into him instead of what's left over at the end of the day? See, every week I start my week and I look at my multipliers and I go, how can I make their lives better this week? How can I put energy into my multipliers this week? They should get the best of my energy, not what's leftover. And so they do. And if I don't have energy leftover for other people, I still spent my energy in the best place.

See, relationships matter in everything and I have somebody on my bus that is a multiplier. Now, what does a multiplier mean? Okay, well there's three bubbles. Health, well and relationship. So if I have a relationship with somebody who is great at fitness and they're helping me a be a healthier self, okay, now I have energy to go build stuff in my wealth bubble. Now I have energy too, put into more of my relationships and Oh, by the way, they make a positive impact on me there too. So you all of my multipliers make a positive impact in my life in all three of my bubbles. Health. Wealth and relationships. . Let's talk about active choices for just a minute. The first chapter is called choose you. Sounds pretty simple, doesn't it choose you? Yet. Most people look at that and they go, of course you should choose me, but it's not that simple.

There's a lot of different ways that you can choose you. If you went on a road trip tomorrow, would you fill up your gas tank before you got on the road or would you fill up the car, plan out your road trip, and then start the road trip with however much gas you had in the tank and go, Oh, well when I run out of energy, I will gas up. I will just stop and pull over that. That's how most people attack projects in their life. Is they go on this sort of road trip to achieve a goal with a half a tank or less of gas.

Everything takes energy and you've got to make sure that you are putting energy into you. You are responsible. You're 100% responsible for filling your own gas tank, no one else. It doesn't matter if you have the best relationships in the world, you're still responsible for making sure your gas tank is full. You're 100% responsible for that. Now other people can help and you can surround yourself with great people that will help make sure that gets done, but at the end of the day, it's about you putting energy into you. Now let's talk about the type of energy that you put into you and how you choose you. It can look a lot of different ways. See, let's say I got, I don't know, 50 bucks in my pocket and I can do a couple things for myself.

I can go buy some healthy meals, meal prep and get my meal set for the week with 50 bucks or I can go out and get a, you know, have a big juicy hamburger and a couple of beers and you know, maybe glass of wine. Both of those things I can do for myself. One of those things is going to have a positive effect on my energy, longterm meal planning. That's going to help me raise my health bubble. It's going to raise me or raise my energy for the next couple of days. The big juicy hamburger and the beers. I enjoy that too, but that's not going to give me more energy tomorrow. So the beer and the energy or the pizza, whatever it is that I put in that self-soothing category, right. You're just sort of placating yourself. The meal prep, the going to the gym, the meditating, the walking, the yoga, whatever it is. That's what I take the time to do that for myself. That is an activity that has a multiple positive effect. If I take the time to meditate today, my head is clear for the people that I'm around. I've taken that time for myself and I'm a better person for it. There's a poem that I talk about, in choose you. That's from Marianne Williamson and it's called "Our Greatest Fear", and in it she has a wonderful line. It says, who are we to play small? The world is not served by you playing small.

Our world has got so many challenges every single day.

Politics, governments, gangs, drugs, violence. There's so many negative things out there. Our world needs better versions of ourselves, not self placated versions of ourselves. Our world needs the best version of you, and so you've got to choose you. Everyone that I know that has gone through and has read active choices and it started choosing themselves on a consistent basis. A couple things have happened. Number one, their energy went up. Number two, other people in their life saw their energy going up and saw them becoming a version of themselves and started choosing themselves as well. Number three, everyone that became a better version of themselves by choosing themselves with healthy positive choices started to see a bigger vision for their life. See, I can't picture, I live in New York state. I can't picture driving to California if I've only got a quarter tank of gas in my truck. If I have a full tank of gas and a wallet full of cash, I could imagine driving to California. But if I've got a quarter tank of gas and 10 bucks in my wallet, there's no way I'm making it. I can't vision, that big of a road trip. I can get around the neighborhood and that's about it. So that vision for you, how much gas is in your tank

how much is in your wallet? How much energy do you have? Because likely very, very likely. It's affecting the mindset of the vision that you see for yourself. Now, I'm not talking about you got to go out and run a marathon tomorrow. You got to take up this. You've got to take up that you already know the answer. You already have had times in your life where you've done positive things for you am I guess you've gotten away from them. If you're watching this, you've started to get away from it and you realize, Holy cow, I remember when I was doing X, Y, Z. Things seemed easier. It's about knowing what that is. Maybe it's going to church. Maybe it's meditating. Maybe it's meal plans. Maybe it's going to the gym. Maybe it's going for a walk with no electronics. Whatever it is for you, you owe it to the people in your life to do that. Now, a lot of people come and they go, well, this choose you thing. That's kind of selfish. It may seem like that at first, but if you, taking 15 minutes for yourself a day makes you a better version of you for everyone in your life the rest of the day. Is it really selfish or is it really the most selfless thing that you can do?

No one in your life is served by playing small. No one. Look at the most important relationships that you have, and ask yourself, honestly, does this person deserve less than what I'm capable of? Does this person deserve less than my best? If that's the way you need to look at it, but you are 100% responsible for making that active choice. And when you make that active choice, a lot of time on task, over time choosing you will become a habit that serves you every single day for the rest of your life. And not only that, you will be a positive example for those people around you.

yeah, choosing, you might seem a little selfish at first, but honestly, it's the most selfless thing that you could possibly do over time.

when you choose, you

you fill your tank, fill your tank every single day. If your tanks feeling empty, what do you have to do for yourself in the next 24 hours? You've got to take action. So what is the action that you're going to take in the next 24 hours to choose you? Law of action. What is the most positive thing that you can do that will have a positive ripple effect in your life in the next 24 hours law of the vital action and what are you going to stop doing to make time and space and energy in your life so that you can choose you to be the best version of you for those people that you care the most about? Law of the vacuum.

You are your most ultimate multiplier because you are involved in everything that you're involved with. You're there with you 24 seven 365 until the day you die. You are the only one that's going to be around you all the time forever and so you are your most ultimate multiplier. You have the biggest effect on everything that you do. So how positive of an effect can you have on your life if your tank isn't full? You've got to be passionate. You've got to be absolutely, unequivocally just holding that standard of I'm going to make sure that I choose me every single day because I deserve it and so does everyone in my life.

we have such a capacity to affect this world when we start making positive active choices. So to recap today we talked about the three laws, three bubbles. We've talked about the four steps of consciousness. So the three bubbles that everyone wants more out of in life are health, wealth, and relationships. The three laws that are going to affect everything that we do and will dictate what our results are, are the law of action, the law, vital action, and the law of the vacuum. And there's four steps to building a habit so that you are performing at your highest level with the least amount of energy. And those are unconscious incompetentence. You don't know what you don't know. Conscious incompetentence. Now you know what you don't know. Conscious, competentence. You made an active choice. You brought energy to a decision and you started choosing something you chose you. And then unconscious competence. You now have this ingrained as a habit and you're performing at a really high level with the least amount of energy. See, we have a finite amount of energy every single day. And when you put energy into you, it multiplies so that you have more energy for other things. 15 minutes of energy for you can create hours of energy.

It's not about a shake or a cup of coffee or some special caffeine drink. It's putting positive energy into you that will result in you having positive energy full in your tank to give to the world so that you can be the best version of you, no matter what you're looking to achieve in health, wealth, and relationships. You need energy to do it. And the fastest way to raise your energy is to choose. You. Make the active choice to choose you because you deserve it. So does the rest of the world.



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