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Choose to Fail

Uncategorized Feb 26, 2020
 

Hi there. My name's Peter Pessetto I'm author of the book active choices. I'm a speaker, I'm a business coach, I'm a father and I'm a husband and I'm a failure. I'm a big failure actually, and I'm not afraid to admit it. You know, I don't say I'm a failure because I'm in judgment over myself and I don't say a failure with pride and I don't say a failure because I'm a martyr. I say I'm a failure because failure is one of the most important activities that I do on a daily basis. In my book, I wrote a chapter called "Choose to Fail". And it's the one thing that I've always said. If I could go back to my teenage self and tell my tell that version of me anything, it would be how the relationship between failure and success actually works. See, I have sought failure at times in my life and I've been very successful.

I've feared failure in my life and it's kept me from being successful. So what's the difference? See, we're actually programmed around failure, not in a bad way. Programming just happens as we live our life. And it happens a lot of times almost accidentally, and we also need to understand that it does happen. Understand a little bit about where that programming came from. As soon as we do that, we have an ability to change it. See, failure is something that we've been taught as bad or beneath us or you know less than what we're capable of doing and we're supposed to go out and fix it and do other things. I want you to think back to maybe high school and I want you to think back to maybe a test or something that you got back from your teacher and I'm the top of it was a great, let's say you got an 85 or an 88 on it, or let's even say that you got a 90 okay, so you got a grade that qualifies as an A.

There are a lot of people that never get A's and yet we get this test back and we got 90 of the hundred correct. What do we immediately do? We immediately look for what we got wrong. Right? We're always looking for what we got wrong and teachers say to us, look at what you got wrong so that you know how to do it correctly the next time. See, we look at what we got wrong and we concentrate on that failure. Rarely do we go, Hey, let me go through all the 90% that I got right. What we have to understand is that failure is an important part in our success. I have failed at every single level of my life and I've failed in every single area of my life. Now, active choices is about helping people grow in three main areas of their life. There's three bubbles of life that we all want more out of in life, and I have always said, if you take every vision board in this world and distill them down, you will get these three areas, health, wealth, and relationships.

See, people don't want more money, they want more wealth, and they don't just want relationships. They want to be able to spend time with the people that matter and they don't want health. They don't just want to lose weight, they want to be healthy, they want to feel great. I know that I have failed at every single area of my life, and that's also why I am where I am today. Now, one of the things that I came to realize in writing the book in through my active choices in life was the relationship between how failure and success actually work. So here's what happens. We're kind of taught that if we're failing, we're not succeeding. So let's say that we've been programmed where failure is on one side of us and success is on the other side of us. So we feel like if we're moving towards failure, well, we must be moving away from success.

And so what happens is we start encountering failure and we turn and go in the opposite direction and we never actually get to that level of success when honestly it works like this. Failures here and success is on the other side of it. See, we must move through failure in order to be successful. I want you to start thinking of failure as the tollbooth. Failure is a toll. And success lies on the other side of the bridge. So we have a bridge and I actually have one near my house and it's just like this. I have to pay a toll, go through the toll booth to go cross the bridge to get to where I want to go. That's exactly what success and failure look like. We must move through that toll booth of failure in order to get to where we want to go.

Until you start seeking failure, you will not be successful if you're only seeking success. Okay? And you're encountering failure and you keep attempting to go around failure. See, I can't go around that toll booth. There's no way of getting on that bridge and getting to where I choose to go without going through the toll booth so that it happens that the only way to get there is to go through the toll booth. So now the faster I get to that toll booth, the faster I get to where I need to be to be successful. In other words, the speed at which I fail will also dictate the speed at which I succeed. So in the book I've written the speed of failure, plus the speed at which you implement from what you've learned from your failures will be the speed at which I succeed.

See, if I only knew this back in the day, see, when I would fail, I wouldn't look at where my failures were. I would want to put my head in the sand. I wouldn't want to learn from them at all because I failed because that's somehow bad, right? So I failed and now I'm not learning from my failures. So I now have no opportunity to be successful. So it's not just failure alone, it's also what I've learned from failure. Successful people seek feedback. All the champions around me that I know are people that are always seeking feedback from their failures. The speed at which you succeed, okay? It's going to be dictated by the speed at which you fail, plus the speed at what you learn. Getting that feedback in order to be successful. So I want you to write this down. Speed at which you fail.

Plus the speed at which you implement is going to equal the speed at which you succeed as soon as you understand that what's going to happen is your going to start seeking failure at a much faster rate. You know, I've done a lot of studies around failure and one of the things that I've found is that a child, a baby will fall on average about 5,000 times before they're able to walk, and if you've ever been around babies as they're going through that process, we know first they get to a point where they're just standing up and then they're falling down on their bumps and then they're failing up and they're wobbling a little bit, and then they're sitting back down and then they get to the point where they're pulling themselves up and maybe they're taking a step and then they're falling down and then they're taking a couple steps and then they finally get to that place where they waddle from one person's arms into another, right?

And they're able to be successful. Well, let's say that that was equal to anything that you wanted to achieve in life. In your health, in your wealth or in your relationships? What are you passionate enough about achieving? What means the most to you? That if you could say, man, if I die and I've not accomplished this, my life has not been successful, what would you be willing to fail 5,000 times at before you succeed? Or let me turn it around and ask you it this way. If you knew you could be successful at anything and all you had to do was fail 5,000 times, what would you want to go do? Would you want to have the perfect physique for you? Would you want to have millions of dollars in the bank account and be able to start nonprofits and donate and set your family up for generations to come?

What about your relationships? What if you could have the most wonderful relationships in your life if you just failed fast enough at implementing? What you've learned from past failures. See a lot of times as an adult, we've dated somebody before we actually get married. And if you've ever been married, you probably know that the person that you've married or you've committed to, whether or not you're married, you know legally you're married in your heart with this person, this person in your life represents things that you've learned along the way that you want to have in a relationship that are important to you. Maybe you have somebody that wasn't supportive and so you failed at that relationship. And now you've learned though that in order to be in a longterm relationship, that person needs to be important to you. What about your health? What if you've said, Hey, I want to have that great physique and you work out in the gym all the time, but you don't do anything with your nutrition program.

Well, you're failing. And until you implement what you've learned from that failure until you've implemented, starting to eat right, starting to get your right protein, your right fats, your right amino acids, the vegetables, whatever it is, the amount of water you will not be successful. So you start a nutrition plan and day two you fail at it. What do you learn? What you failed at? You can have anything that you choose to have in your life if you're just willing to fail fast enough. Now, let's go back to that. That example of that baby that's falling 5,000 times and let's use that analogy. Let's say that you could have anything in your life that you choose to have. If you are just willing to fail fast enough and you knew that 5,000 times was the number that you had to fail, wouldn't you want to figure out how to fail as fast as you possibly could to get through those 5,000 times?

I am always looking to speed up my failure rate. It's what I do in life. I have failed at every single level. This book, I have failed so many times at getting this book on your shelf. I have failed so many times at getting this book for sale on Amazon. I have failed so many times at getting this book finished. I have shut my computer a hundred times, a thousand times it felt like I shut my computer and I said, I'm done. I'm not doing any more of it. I'm done. It's done. I can't, I can't do anymore.

And then I would get some edits back and I'd look at it and I'd go, okay, I failed at that level. It's time to fail more. I failed for three months at getting the Audible produced correctly and the thing was, every single time I failed, I had to wait a week to find out what I failed that. Now I can do it in about two weeks. I can take what I did in three months and I can do it in two weeks. It was only through the big WHY. Being passionate about getting this book up for sale, getting this book into your hands so that you understand how much power you have in your life, just so that you understand the active choices that you're capable of making right now today to make your life better. I was passionate enough about that, that I was willing to fail for years, years to get this book finished for months and months and months to get the audible finished.

If it didn't mean that much to me, it would still be a manuscript if I wasn't passionate about helping other people understand that they're capable of making active choices in their life to become their best self. If I wasn't passionate about teaching you how important failure is, this would just be a file on my computer. You wouldn't have an opportunity to read it. You wouldn't know about it. You wouldn't be watching this video, and I'm willing to fail at it every single day to help someone else understand A) what the active choices are they can make in their life and B) to make them so that they become the best version of themselves. See, as I said in my last video, you add the best you possibly keep and not even the best. You just at a better level are a lighthouse for other people. See, you're a lighthouse right now.

Whether or not you realize it. There are other people in your life right now, no matter who you are, no matter what circumstance you're in, there are people that are watching you and they're taking an example from you for their life. The question is, is the light on in your lighthouse or is it off? The lighthouse is there. See, when we become better versions of ourselves, our light in our lighthouse turns on and it gets a little brighter and then we come up become a little bit better and it gets a little brighter. I have failed at every single one of these active choices. I fail at them all the time. It's the most important thing I do every single day. And so I want you to think about how today could you speed up your failure rate so that you could encounter the success that you choose to have faster.

You know, I love this and I talked a lot of people about the importance of failure. I think it's one of the most incredible things that we can do. In the book. I talk about, I went through a period of time where I was doing a lot of juicing. I got a juicer for Christmas and I wanted to lose weight and so I started juicing. After a couple of weeks, I was miserable, miserable! I was falling asleep at six 30 at night because I hadn't eaten enough. My body wasn't getting enough nutrients and I just, my body was going through that change of getting out of the crap that I had been eating and filling my body with all these new healthy nutrients. I had some of the worst headaches of my entire life and yet I was willing to continue to fail at them. What happened is after about a week of not okay, which I wanted to quit every single day.

After about a week of that, my energy with through the roof. I went below a level of weight that I had been targeting. So let's say I wanted to go from 200 to 190 I was down at like 182 I felt awesome. Here was the most important thing though. A lot of other people at that point started to notice, see, people are always watching and waiting. People know you're going to fail. They're not watching to hope that you fail. People know inherently that you're going to fail. When you start making new choices in your life. What they want to see is: are your choices important enough that you're willing to continue to fail at them? And what is your result going to be? See, when you do that, you give permission to other people that it's okay to go fail at it, and it's okay to go fail at something that you're really, really passionate about because you're going to be successful. And then success lies on that other side. So as I really started to get to that weight that I wanted to get to, and my energy was going through the roof and I was in a great mood and I didn't have headaches and I had more energy for my family, other people started to see me and notice at that point, and then they started to do things in their life.

Choose to fail every day. It's one of the most positive things you can ever do. See we have a fear of failure. In the last video I talked about the three laws of the universe, the law of action, the law of vital action, and the law of the vacuum. So here's how I apply those. Let me repeat those. The law of action. The law of action States that we must engage in actions that support our, thoughts, dreams, emotions and words. When you are procrastinating because you fear failure or you failed and you haven't learned from that failure, you are not taking action. You are breaking the law of action. We'd have to see, action we have to have action in order to see results. Notice the law doesn't say you have to have the right actions or you have to have the perfect actions.

It just said you must take action. The second law, second law is the law of vital action. Right? We know that for 20% of our activities, we're going to get about 80% of our results failing for me as a 20% action, I want to fail every single day. It is one of the most important things I do because it's the only way for me to be better tomorrow. It's the only way for you to be better tomorrow. It's to fail today and fail at the most important things for you and the third law, the law of the vacuum. Our lives are already full. We can't take new action and add new actions on top of old actions. We must first create a vacuum in our life for new actions to happen. So what are you going to stop doing? What are you going to stop doing today that's going to make you more successful tomorrow? What are you going to stop doing this week that's going to make you more successful next week? That's speed of implementation. I failed at doing this and so I learned and so I'm not going to do that. I'm going to fail this way. I'm going to fail that way. See the three laws of the universe apply to everything that you do, and I could not think of something more important to learn and to do every single day that to fail.

We're taught that failure is beneath us. We're taught that we're somehow not the best version of ourselves when our failing, and yet I want you to think about what are the things that mean the most to you in your life that you've accomplished, whether it's sports or whether it's a relationship or whether it's job or whatever it is that you've done. What is something that you're so passionate about? Maybe you started a new business. What is something that you're so passionate about that means the most that you've accomplished in your lifetime? Did you do it right the first time? Did you do it perfectly? What did you learn between planning and success? See, to me, that's where a failure lies. Okay? We talk about the four steps of consciousness. Unconscious incompetent. I don't know what I don't know. Conscious incompetent. Now I know what I don't know.

Conscious competence. Now I know it and I'm doing it. Unconscious competence. Now I know it and I don't have to think about it because it's a habit. You have to actively choose. You have to make active choices in order to go from conscious incompetence to conscious competence. What does that mean? That means that you've got to fail, right? The speed at which you fail will be the speed at which you get to success. The speed at which you become consciously competent on something, you're going to fail along the way. The best thing I can think you've possibly do is to fail as quickly as possible and then learn what you've learned. Learn what you've experienced, learn from it. Implement that new knowledge and go fail again and go fail and go fail and go fail, right? So failure is what happens between planning and success. We fail along the way and we get better and better and better. You've got to fail. You've got to fail every single day in order to be successful. See, the most successful people I know, they talk about failure all the time.

I don't have enough time to talk about my failures today. My life has been one big failure after another, and I'm glad that it has because I never would be where I am today if it weren't for failure. I would, I don't say I'm a failure because it's bad. I don't say I'm a failure because I'm a martyr. I'm such a failure. That's not me. I'm a failure because I failed. By definition, I'm a failure. I'm also successful because of my failures. Every single level of my career, I failed at every single thing that was most important to me. I failed that. I failed at being great that every single day it's when I learned what I've done wrong and I pay attention to what I do wrong and I correct it and I fail a little bit higher level. Failing at being a great dad is something that I choose to do every single day because I choose to be a great dad.

Okay? And I'm not going to be a great dad if I don't learn from what I fail. So what failures have you had in your life that are most important? One of my favorite questions that I love to ask my coaching clients is, what was your most important failure? I love it. A lot of people will come back and they'll say, well, a divorce or a business that I had failed and closed. I fail at being perfect at my priority management every single day. I am infinitesimally better. I don't even know if that's a word. I am so much better. How about that? I am so much better at my priority management because I've discovered priority management. I am so much better at it because I fail and I'm better and better and better at it. I get so many more things done in so much less time now because I stopped looking at the fact that it was just time management. It's not time management. I can't manage time. As soon as I learned why I was failing at that, and as soon as I learned the three laws, my failures got so much better.

What can you learn? What can you learn from the most important failures? What can you learn from what you're failing at today? I love failure. Okay. I love it and I would love for you to watch this video and go out and fail at something today. So here's what I want you to do. If you're watching this right now or listening to this on the podcast or wherever you're seeing this, I want you to write down a couple of things. Number one, what can I choose to fail at the next 24 hours?

Number two, what can I choose to fail at in the next week? What's most important to you? What do you choose to have? See, ask yourself what you choose to have and then ask yourself how you choose to fail. Will that dictate? If I choose to have great health, if I choose to have that six pack abs that goes on the front of some health magazine, how do I have to fail today? And it's going to bring me a little bit closer to that because I'm not going to have that result today. And so not having that result today, I can either be in judgment, say, well, I don't, I'm not even going to bother cause I can't be there today. Or I can say, Hey, how can I choose to fail because I choose to have this, I choose to look like this. If you choose to be wealthy, how can you fail today?

That's going to bring you a little bit closer to that. If you choose to be in a place with your great relationships, how can you choose to fail? Maybe it's going back to a previous relationship and learning what you can. Maybe it's a having a tough conversation with somebody that you're currently not in the best place with. Maybe it's practicing so you practice is failure in a great way. There's a reason that every single professional sports league has a preseason because these guys are going out and they're re-practicing their failures. Take an experienced player that's been around for 10 15 years. They're an all star. They're, they're a name that you know in whatever sport that's important to you, they go through preseason just like everyone else, even though they might be the best in the league or the best in the world or the best at their sport, they choose to fail every single day, right?

They choose to fail because they've got to get their bodies back into shape where they can do things correctly. Practicing conversations, you've probably already done this. Maybe you've called up a friend or a coworker and said, Hey, I need to practice this. I, I've got to have this tough conversation with someone and I'd like to practice it with you. Okay, that's failure and that's really positive failure. You're practicing and you're choosing to fail at something that is important to you. That's fantastic. See, the great thing about active choices, what everyone's told me is that everyone has seen themselves inside that book because you've already been doing these things. I'm willing to bet every single active choice in this book you've already experienced in your life. All I did was sort of bring it out and put it in a place where you can become aware of all of them at the same time.

And I love it. I love when people come up to me and they go, Oh my God, I'm failing so much faster than I ever possibly could. See. There was a time when I was running an office full of salespeople and we decided to have a competition around failure, not around success. We decided to have a competition around failure and all the salespeople, all they had to do to be part of participate in the contest was they had to fail a certain amount of times every single day. And you know what happened? And I can show people anytime they want to. The results. Our office had the most incredible sales month it is ever had based on the amount of people we had. The absolute production went right through the roof. And all we did was feed speed up people's failure rate.

So if you're looking at getting new business, how many, how many times can you fail at getting new business to that and what can you learn and how many times can you fail tomorrow? See, consistency, comes, right? Power of consistency. Failing over a long period of time gets me to where I want to go. I fail at going and having the best workout three times a week and I'm working out now three times a week. I'm so much more consistent than I've ever been. What has that done for me? That's permeated other areas of my life. I'm in a better mindset. I have more energy for my son. I feel like I look better and I'd want to look better for my wife. Okay? I'm a healthier version of myself for the people that are most important to me and my relationship bubble because I choose to fail at my health every single day and I'm getting better and I'm getting better and I'm getting better.

Will I ever be perfect. I don't know. Will I ever succeed? I don't know. I know that I can't control that. I know that I can control if I choose to fail on a daily basis. So I want you to go back and I want you to think about what are the areas of the law of your life that are most important to you right now? I want you to think about what you choose to have, not what do you want, what do you choose to have in your life and how can you fail today to move yourself closer to that? How can you fail right now? How could you stop this video and go fail? What could you fail at? See, at the end of the day, as much as I feared failure, I'm still alive. I'm still here. And the truth is I'm a better version of myself.

Sometimes failure's painful. That's okay, great. It's made me a better version of myself and it's gonna make you a better version of yourself. The more painful ones are the ones that I dragged out and I didn't fail as quickly as I could and I didn't implement. And if I could go back to my 15 year old self, I would say I want you to choose to fail. I want you to choose to fail every day and I want you to choose to fail as quickly as possible. If you want to have massive success, speed up your failure rate exponentially, you want to have great health, speed up your failure rate, you want to have great relationships, speed up your failure rate because it is the only way that you are going to become successful. It is the only way that you're going to get that result.

And here's the great thing. I'm going to go back to what I said about juicing. I chose to fail and what ended up happening was I lost more weight than I had originally intended. I felt better than I ever thought I would see when I chose to fail every day that was my action step. That was my focus and that was what I could control. I couldn't control the result and it ended up that the result was greater than I could have imagined. So whatever it is you choose to have in your life, here's the best part. The faster you choose to fail, the chances are the success and the results that you're looking for are going to be greater than you can imagine. You will have more wealth than you could imagine when you choose to fail at the right things, your health will be in a such a greater place. Then you can imagine when you choose to fail at the right things and your relationships will be the most wonderful relationships that you've ever had. When you choose to fail at putting the energy into them and having the relationships, your relationships will be so rewarding.

Now, I want you to also remember that choose you needs to be part of your life and so choosing you at the highest level you possibly can daily. If that's something that you're failing at. Phenomenal! Awesome! Continue to choose to fail. I want you to go out today. I want you to make an active choice and I want you to understand that failure isn't bad. I want you to understand that we were accidentally programmed by life, not on purpose, by anyone. That failure isn't good and it's okay. I'm not in judgment of my teachers that they accidentally programmed me. It's just how life works. I'm not in judgment. I'm not mad at my parents because they've accidentally programmed me that failure is bad. See, once I understand the relationship between failure and success then I own that and I can control it. I am not judgment of what happened yesterday because when I'm in judgment, I don't learn.

When you're in judgment of your failures, you will not learn what it is you're capable of learning what you can make the active choice to learn in order to be better. So when you fail, go awesome. Have somebody give you a high five for failing or message me and I'll give you the high five for it. Choose to fail every single day and the faster you do, the faster you'll be successful. I'm Peter Pessetto. Thank you so much for watching. Go out, make smack the choices today and then join the active choices nation. Let us know what you choose to fail at today and how your life is going because you're a failure. It's actually really important to us because we can learn from your failures too, and we can all be better. I hope you can learn from your failure, my failures. I hope you can learn how fast I'm failing so that you can start where I leave off and then you can go on top of me. I don't want you to do the same failures. I want you to learn from what I failed at. Okay? Stop doing the same failures over and over again. Go out and crush it today. Have an amazing day. Choose to fail.

 

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